It’s been a while. Since I lost my sister, things haven’t been easy. It seems as if time has gone by without my noticing. But it’s been getting better. For a long time I didn’t really do much of anything at all. I felt like I had neither the will nor the energy. For about the first two months I was making desserts nearly every day for comfort. For the next month I stopped and concentrated on just making healthy dinners, which is a lot of work when one doesn’t have the will. I felt like there were so many things that just didn’t matter, but I knew I had to do things anyway, not just for myself, but for my family.
Initially I was sleeping until noon every day. I had physical pains that I noticed shortly after the events of August. At some point I realized that I had to get my life in order or I would end up with actual physical problems. I kept doing the things that needed to be done, encouraged also by my youngest sister who has stepped up to help with things. I went from getting up at noon to getting up at 9, and then later sometimes getting up at 6 or 7. Two weeks before Thanksgiving, for the first time in three months I was able to do a full week’s work.
My youngest sister has been instrumental in helping and encouraging me to do things, like washing dishes and making cookies and bread together. When she wants to do something, even if I don’t want to do it, her encouragement helps me get up and do it because I know she needs it as much as I do, and I need to help her accomplish things as well. When neither of us can do something alone, we need the motivation we can give each other to do it together. We help each other in this way, and we depend on each other a lot more.
So it’s gotten easier. It’s been a while, and things are getting back to some semblance of normalcy. It’s still not the same, and it never will be. But I’m better, and I’m trying to get things in order and be productive. I still miss her so much, and now that the Christmas season has started, it’s going to be very difficult. I think about the things we’d be doing, and I think about what I would be giving her for Christmas. The road to recovery is a long and difficult one. This is for my sister.